Been listening to Holland by Glass Face (Inukshuk remix). Very beautiful vocals. The lyrics, too.
So it's exam month now. Most of the time I'm just camping in my room. Facebook and Whatsapp would be my window to the social world. Trips to Tesco for groceries give me the chance to brush up on my cooking skills. I'm finally handling chicken now! Granted, they're boneless, but hey, marinating them with spices and cooking them with caramelized onions are the best.
I finished my two papers last week, and now just waiting until the 19th for the next one, which makes me feel very chill right now. I get to study more, but, the long time interval just tempts me into procrastination right now, haha.
I also kind of forget how to socialize with people these days. I did hang out with my course mates after our second paper, and I did go out and eat with my friends twice, but, I miss making connections with friends. Social anxiety held me back, I guess. I'm a little tired of small talk with others. Too short.
With me lying on my bed most of the time, constant snacking on Oreos and Pocky, and the lack of exercise, I dunno how much weight I've gained. Ah, can't wait to go back home. Watching too much baking and cooking videos these days, very tempted to try out those recipes.
I've also finally finished watching the second season of How to Get Away with Murder. The series is just damn epic. They also used very good music for their background. Throughout these two seasons I am very much in love with IAMX's music like I Come with Knives, Happiness, Music People and Insomnia. Damn nice. Bastille was even featured in Naughty Boy's song, No One's Here to Sleep.
Can't wait to find a job. Wish I can work in a bakery. I don't mind being just a cashier, so long as I get to be amidst all the food, hahaha. Should work on my CV soon. If only I get to meet and collaborate with the people who came up with Pie Therapy, in which they counsel people through the process of baking pies. Food has always been my passion, along with the intricate, complex dynamics of human relationships.
I've...messed up a lot in the past. For these weeks of solitude I've reflected on them and learn from them. I still relapsed from time to time, but not as much anymore. Sometimes I feel like, maybe people are better off without me.
I shall study Counselling now. Biological Psychology is just too much for this past week. Gambate, everyone!
Wednesday, 11 May 2016
Saturday, 2 April 2016
The Joy of Missing Out
Ah, finally.
After much involvement in societies and forging new friendships, I'm back on my feet again. I used to dread going back to my room, for fear of feeling lonely and insomnia. I can't say I'm entirely OK, as I still have my mood swings from time to time and I'm slowly extracting myself from the crowd, but the joy of independence, the contentment of just doing your own thing in your little haven of a room, the anticipation of just going to places alone and forming new experiences in the dull mundane routines of everyday life, it just feels so rewarding.
I shouldn't feel too lax, as I still have assignments to complete and essays to type out, but I feel like patting myself on the back, look back on my journey and tell myself, "You made it."
I really appreciate those who showed their concern when they saw me in 'zombie' mode, and I want to apologize for making you guys worry. I remember one time I was walking down to the SA building at night, feeling really down. It was so apparent, that one guy approached me and asked if I was okay and even offered to walk me to 7-11. I didn't really want to bother him, and assured him that I was fine, but it felt nice that someone, even a stranger, actually cared, and my spirits lifted a bit.
Sadly, I can't say I'm good at maintaining friendships and relationships with my peers these days. Something just made me pull back, and intimacy made me go "ew". I just don't see the point in sharing my inner world at times anymore. But, seeing everyone spend time together, help each other out, somewhere in the organ that pumps blood all over my body just made me realize how precious friendships can be. And now, though I'm getting emotionally distant, I've come to cherish the beauty of relationships and the people I love.
My best friend told me it was because the bubble in my head is too small that I fail to notice and read people. I wish I could work on expanding that bubble, but for now, let me enjoy this solitude, let me explore the inner world of mine and learn to embrace it, both the good parts and the bad. Especially the bad. Because coming to terms with my flaws still needed work. But one day, maybe, I can finally reach out to other people and not feel so alien anymore.
After much involvement in societies and forging new friendships, I'm back on my feet again. I used to dread going back to my room, for fear of feeling lonely and insomnia. I can't say I'm entirely OK, as I still have my mood swings from time to time and I'm slowly extracting myself from the crowd, but the joy of independence, the contentment of just doing your own thing in your little haven of a room, the anticipation of just going to places alone and forming new experiences in the dull mundane routines of everyday life, it just feels so rewarding.
I shouldn't feel too lax, as I still have assignments to complete and essays to type out, but I feel like patting myself on the back, look back on my journey and tell myself, "You made it."
I really appreciate those who showed their concern when they saw me in 'zombie' mode, and I want to apologize for making you guys worry. I remember one time I was walking down to the SA building at night, feeling really down. It was so apparent, that one guy approached me and asked if I was okay and even offered to walk me to 7-11. I didn't really want to bother him, and assured him that I was fine, but it felt nice that someone, even a stranger, actually cared, and my spirits lifted a bit.
Sadly, I can't say I'm good at maintaining friendships and relationships with my peers these days. Something just made me pull back, and intimacy made me go "ew". I just don't see the point in sharing my inner world at times anymore. But, seeing everyone spend time together, help each other out, somewhere in the organ that pumps blood all over my body just made me realize how precious friendships can be. And now, though I'm getting emotionally distant, I've come to cherish the beauty of relationships and the people I love.
My best friend told me it was because the bubble in my head is too small that I fail to notice and read people. I wish I could work on expanding that bubble, but for now, let me enjoy this solitude, let me explore the inner world of mine and learn to embrace it, both the good parts and the bad. Especially the bad. Because coming to terms with my flaws still needed work. But one day, maybe, I can finally reach out to other people and not feel so alien anymore.
Sunday, 3 January 2016
Back in the Jungle
Ah, finally. I'm back in university. So far so good.
My cousin drove me and his friend back to KL. We stopped by Foo Shan in Ipoh to have dim sum. Didn't have much appetite to eat, since I already had a hearty breakfast, but nonetheless the har gao was awesome and it was nice finishing the meal off with cups of chrysanthemum tea.
Continuing our journey, it's nice that my cousin's sister lent us her Taylor Swift 1989 album and her latest Disney album featuring popular singers making covers of the classic Disney songs. Unfortunately, the CD player in the car was malfunctioning, so we could only enjoy the music on the radio and his friend's phone.
After dropping his friend off, we proceeded to my university. Using Waze was useful, but I had a feeling it led us to a rather large route compared to the one my senior would always use. Ah well, Guna Pun Sesat. Nevertheless, we reached our destination ^^ Thanks, Ge!
I was relieved to finally reach my room, happy to embrace my future opportunities of independence. But then, I still had to change the bed sheets and vacuum the floor. And I realized that the little lizard I found but lost last year held residence in my room. Great. Thanks a lot. His trails of excrement never lied. I feel a little uncomfortable at the thought as I lie in my bed now. Brrrr. My OCD is tingling like Peter Parker's spider sense.
Once the chores were done, a quick shower later, I gathered my bag and laptop and entered the Gaming Room to study. It felt great to see my friends again. Haha, two of my seniors actually said I looked good >///< arigatou!
But, as the exams are tomorrow, I couldn't help but feel nauseous and nervous. My anxiety made my heart pound faster and my throat constrict at inappropriate times despite attempts to calm down. Wargh, couldn't even enjoy Texas Chicken with my friends. But I hope they enjoyed themselves, as it is one of my senior's birthday. Happy birthday, Shelley :) It's so cool that the others put together 4 types of Secret Recipe cakes in one big box.
I went back to my room early. I feel tired and a little deadpan on my emotions. At least the emotional nightmares are over. For now. Hehe, I also get to complete installing two Higurashi no Naku Koro Ni games during everyone's absence. Ah, high speed internet :P
One final note before I sign off. My friend once helped me request the famous Hammu artist to draw a postcard of Gingerbread Hammu for me. Lo and behold, it's so pretty! <3 Thank you, guys! TwT And with this postcard, I shall draw motivation and study for the rest of the night. Oyasumi~
My cousin drove me and his friend back to KL. We stopped by Foo Shan in Ipoh to have dim sum. Didn't have much appetite to eat, since I already had a hearty breakfast, but nonetheless the har gao was awesome and it was nice finishing the meal off with cups of chrysanthemum tea.
Continuing our journey, it's nice that my cousin's sister lent us her Taylor Swift 1989 album and her latest Disney album featuring popular singers making covers of the classic Disney songs. Unfortunately, the CD player in the car was malfunctioning, so we could only enjoy the music on the radio and his friend's phone.
After dropping his friend off, we proceeded to my university. Using Waze was useful, but I had a feeling it led us to a rather large route compared to the one my senior would always use. Ah well, Guna Pun Sesat. Nevertheless, we reached our destination ^^ Thanks, Ge!
I was relieved to finally reach my room, happy to embrace my future opportunities of independence. But then, I still had to change the bed sheets and vacuum the floor. And I realized that the little lizard I found but lost last year held residence in my room. Great. Thanks a lot. His trails of excrement never lied. I feel a little uncomfortable at the thought as I lie in my bed now. Brrrr. My OCD is tingling like Peter Parker's spider sense.
Once the chores were done, a quick shower later, I gathered my bag and laptop and entered the Gaming Room to study. It felt great to see my friends again. Haha, two of my seniors actually said I looked good >///< arigatou!
But, as the exams are tomorrow, I couldn't help but feel nauseous and nervous. My anxiety made my heart pound faster and my throat constrict at inappropriate times despite attempts to calm down. Wargh, couldn't even enjoy Texas Chicken with my friends. But I hope they enjoyed themselves, as it is one of my senior's birthday. Happy birthday, Shelley :) It's so cool that the others put together 4 types of Secret Recipe cakes in one big box.
I went back to my room early. I feel tired and a little deadpan on my emotions. At least the emotional nightmares are over. For now. Hehe, I also get to complete installing two Higurashi no Naku Koro Ni games during everyone's absence. Ah, high speed internet :P
One final note before I sign off. My friend once helped me request the famous Hammu artist to draw a postcard of Gingerbread Hammu for me. Lo and behold, it's so pretty! <3 Thank you, guys! TwT And with this postcard, I shall draw motivation and study for the rest of the night. Oyasumi~
Friday, 1 January 2016
Taylor Swift's Out of the Woods
Hahaha. Just when I'm studying, I searched Taylor Swift's new MV 'Out of the Woods' and dang it, I'm addicted.
I dunno bout you guys, but I love Taylor Swift. She's pretty, she's talented, and despite all those dating rumours, I really appreciate her music. Her songs are fun, they're relatable, and her MVs are just gorgeous. 'We are Never Ever Getting Back Together' helps me get over a breakup, 'Love Story' brings me back to my high school days 'cause it was quite popular back then. 'Teardrops on My Guitar' makes great karaoke and just reminds me how rejection sucks. I love that cake-stabbing in 'Blank Space', hahaha. Maybe I'll make a cake like that someday. I know How To Cook That made that tutorial.
So yeah, back to 'Out of The Woods'. I shall assume the song is not new, since it's part of her 1989 album. But the MV was released today, and if you haven't checked it out, just go.
I admit though, this song isn't my utmost favourite compared to her previous work like 'Wildest Dreams'. I think it's because of the monotonous chorus (do you know how tiring it is to sing this part during karaoke??? X'D) and the style. Plus I feel like I have listened to some parts of the song before. Think of the song 'Style'.
What I DO like about the song is the message it brings. Sure, it starts off typically about her losing a guy, but I like how she portrays the whole struggle of our inner conflicts in this MV and finished it off with her finding herself. The branches blocking her path and pulling her down. The wolves hungry and out to get her. The cold freezing her. The tall cliff. The heavy waves. The burning blazes of fire. Then her perfect self standing and overlooking the calm waves. Like, finally. After so much struggle. So much pain. We all went through personal growth and conflicts in our life. I find the symbolism of the MV encouraging and prompt me to never give up.
I love her blue dress though. I wish I was a blonde. I mean, that sky colour, dang it. I can only rock dark blue or black dresses, haha.
I don't hate the song, and even if I'm addicted, I can't say it's my favourite. But great MV, great message.
I dunno bout you guys, but I love Taylor Swift. She's pretty, she's talented, and despite all those dating rumours, I really appreciate her music. Her songs are fun, they're relatable, and her MVs are just gorgeous. 'We are Never Ever Getting Back Together' helps me get over a breakup, 'Love Story' brings me back to my high school days 'cause it was quite popular back then. 'Teardrops on My Guitar' makes great karaoke and just reminds me how rejection sucks. I love that cake-stabbing in 'Blank Space', hahaha. Maybe I'll make a cake like that someday. I know How To Cook That made that tutorial.
So yeah, back to 'Out of The Woods'. I shall assume the song is not new, since it's part of her 1989 album. But the MV was released today, and if you haven't checked it out, just go.
I admit though, this song isn't my utmost favourite compared to her previous work like 'Wildest Dreams'. I think it's because of the monotonous chorus (do you know how tiring it is to sing this part during karaoke??? X'D) and the style. Plus I feel like I have listened to some parts of the song before. Think of the song 'Style'.
What I DO like about the song is the message it brings. Sure, it starts off typically about her losing a guy, but I like how she portrays the whole struggle of our inner conflicts in this MV and finished it off with her finding herself. The branches blocking her path and pulling her down. The wolves hungry and out to get her. The cold freezing her. The tall cliff. The heavy waves. The burning blazes of fire. Then her perfect self standing and overlooking the calm waves. Like, finally. After so much struggle. So much pain. We all went through personal growth and conflicts in our life. I find the symbolism of the MV encouraging and prompt me to never give up.
I love her blue dress though. I wish I was a blonde. I mean, that sky colour, dang it. I can only rock dark blue or black dresses, haha.
I don't hate the song, and even if I'm addicted, I can't say it's my favourite. But great MV, great message.
Happy 2016
Happy New Year, everyone :) First day of the leap year, woo~
After a late night of enduring the midnight warzone aka New Year fireworks under my pillows and plushies, whaddyaknow, morning came~
Granted, I slept in late not only because of the sis-boom-bah, but I began to listen to some Mark Manson interviews on Youtube. I like his advice on dating and personal development, it was really helpful and gave me a much better insight on how to become a better person. He is the one who typed out the popular article, The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck.
New Year meant the dateline to my exam is creeping closer in, like, 3 days. Oh boy, I know, I should bury my head and use the remaining time to study, but hey, my brain needs a break.
So I woke up and showered, put on my brother's Captain America shirt (hey, it fits~) and a pair of shorts, and suddenly felt like taking a stroll to Straits Quay. I missed out that walkathon in Georgetown in the morning, so why not? A mini adventure wouldn't hurt. I need all the exercise I can get (I'll put Just Dance on hold, since I already packed away my CDs and controller).
Winter solstice was already over a long time ago, but my grandma still made tang yuan for us to eat, haha. So gonna miss this after I go back to university.
Walking around Straits Quay with my earphones on and the music matching my pace can be quite refreshing. At least the place wasn't as empty as I thought it would be. The Lovely Lace sale was still going on, the Christmas display was still hanging there outside, dunno when they'll take that down, haha. I wish there are more stores around. I can only say Straits Quay is the best place for coffee meet-ups, fancy dinners, and some self-introspection along the quay.
I bought a Stormtrooper cap in Party Fete :D It was RM29.90, and the only one in store, from what I see. I'm not a Star Wars fan, but my brother is, and he had always wanted that cap since I last saw it a week or two ago. I hope they restock those caps, hehe. Not bad. At least my brother's happy with the purchase, it matches with his new Star Wars: The Force Awakens shirt from Uniqlo.
As I walked down the quay, there was a long, narrow path at the end, the gate usually open during the day for residents and those who went for cycling. And so, I continued on down to this path, grateful for the shade the trees along the neighbourhood provided, and admired the blue skies and crashing waves. I saw an eagle flying overhead. Even saw people casting nets to catch fish. Along the way, I even met this Indian couple from the mainland, asking me if the path led to Straits Quay. We chatted for a while, and my lone presence just made them curious. It's not everyday a girl just walks alone around this area, I guess? Further exploration led me to sneak peeks of people's backyards (damn, swimming pools O.O), grassy fields, guardhouses and the path ended up at a house, which was still under construction. Such anticlimax. Was hoping it would lead me to that road along the side of Island Plaza or something. Ah well.
My short trip to Straits Quay wasn't much, but nonetheless I'm a happy girl. It was a rather hot day though, very sunny, and walking back home just made me feel like burnt toast.
And with that, I shall go study now.
After a late night of enduring the midnight warzone aka New Year fireworks under my pillows and plushies, whaddyaknow, morning came~
Granted, I slept in late not only because of the sis-boom-bah, but I began to listen to some Mark Manson interviews on Youtube. I like his advice on dating and personal development, it was really helpful and gave me a much better insight on how to become a better person. He is the one who typed out the popular article, The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck.
New Year meant the dateline to my exam is creeping closer in, like, 3 days. Oh boy, I know, I should bury my head and use the remaining time to study, but hey, my brain needs a break.
So I woke up and showered, put on my brother's Captain America shirt (hey, it fits~) and a pair of shorts, and suddenly felt like taking a stroll to Straits Quay. I missed out that walkathon in Georgetown in the morning, so why not? A mini adventure wouldn't hurt. I need all the exercise I can get (I'll put Just Dance on hold, since I already packed away my CDs and controller).
Winter solstice was already over a long time ago, but my grandma still made tang yuan for us to eat, haha. So gonna miss this after I go back to university.
Walking around Straits Quay with my earphones on and the music matching my pace can be quite refreshing. At least the place wasn't as empty as I thought it would be. The Lovely Lace sale was still going on, the Christmas display was still hanging there outside, dunno when they'll take that down, haha. I wish there are more stores around. I can only say Straits Quay is the best place for coffee meet-ups, fancy dinners, and some self-introspection along the quay.
I bought a Stormtrooper cap in Party Fete :D It was RM29.90, and the only one in store, from what I see. I'm not a Star Wars fan, but my brother is, and he had always wanted that cap since I last saw it a week or two ago. I hope they restock those caps, hehe. Not bad. At least my brother's happy with the purchase, it matches with his new Star Wars: The Force Awakens shirt from Uniqlo.
 |
| Couldn't resist trying it on, haha |
As I walked down the quay, there was a long, narrow path at the end, the gate usually open during the day for residents and those who went for cycling. And so, I continued on down to this path, grateful for the shade the trees along the neighbourhood provided, and admired the blue skies and crashing waves. I saw an eagle flying overhead. Even saw people casting nets to catch fish. Along the way, I even met this Indian couple from the mainland, asking me if the path led to Straits Quay. We chatted for a while, and my lone presence just made them curious. It's not everyday a girl just walks alone around this area, I guess? Further exploration led me to sneak peeks of people's backyards (damn, swimming pools O.O), grassy fields, guardhouses and the path ended up at a house, which was still under construction. Such anticlimax. Was hoping it would lead me to that road along the side of Island Plaza or something. Ah well.
 |
| All that space, haha. |
 |
| Them tan lines though XD |
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