The Joy of Missing Out

Ah, finally.

      After much involvement in societies and forging new friendships, I'm back on my feet again. I used to dread going back to my room, for fear of feeling lonely and insomnia. I can't say I'm entirely OK, as I still have my mood swings from time to time and I'm slowly extracting myself from the crowd, but the joy of independence, the contentment of just doing your own thing in your little haven of a room, the anticipation of just going to places alone and forming new experiences in the dull mundane routines of everyday life, it just feels so rewarding.

      I shouldn't feel too lax, as I still have assignments to complete and essays to type out, but I feel like patting myself on the back, look back on my journey and tell myself, "You made it."

      I really appreciate those who showed their concern when they saw me in 'zombie' mode, and I want to apologize for making you guys worry. I remember one time I was walking down to the SA building at night, feeling really down. It was so apparent, that one guy approached me and asked if I was okay and even offered to walk me to 7-11. I didn't really want to bother him, and assured him that I was fine, but it felt nice that someone, even a stranger, actually cared, and my spirits lifted a bit. 

      Sadly, I can't say I'm good at maintaining friendships and relationships with my peers these days. Something just made me pull back, and intimacy made me go "ew". I just don't see the point in sharing my inner world at times anymore. But, seeing everyone spend time together, help each other out, somewhere in the organ that pumps blood all over my body just made me realize how precious friendships can be. And now, though I'm getting emotionally distant, I've come to cherish the beauty of relationships and the people I love. 

      My best friend told me it was because the bubble in my head is too small that I fail to notice and read people. I wish I could work on expanding that bubble, but for now, let me enjoy this solitude, let me explore the inner world of mine and learn to embrace it, both the good parts and the bad. Especially the bad. Because coming to terms with my flaws still needed work. But one day, maybe, I can finally reach out to other people and not feel so alien anymore.